The Unwritten Girl Rule

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I was reading an article some days ago about a girl who was pissed at her friend for falling in love and dating her ex and all I could say was ‘What in the world are you mad about? Why?’

Apparently it’s an unwritten rule that a girl must never date her friends’s ex. I really still don’t get it. I mean yeah it would be awkward to meet your ex again and see him kissing your best friend.

Maybe the reason I don’t understand this ‘rule’ is because most of my friends have been guys. So I took it upon myself to find out more about the Unwritten Girl Rules/Codes and wow I found…25 OF THEM (all thanks to the site hexjam). I had no idea some of these existed.

  1. Never date your friend’s ex.
  2. Never befriend your ex’s new girlfriend.
  3. No matter what, those new girlfriends always look like ogres compared to your friend
  4. Never reveal your friend’s secret.
  5. Always be honest.
  6. Never leave a drunk friend alone.
  7. Only post flattering pics of your friends on Facebook. (I find this one very funny.)
  8. Unflattering pics are ONLY allowed if you’re both striking an equally weird pose. (What in the world….I feel like an alien reading these rules.)
  9. Full access to each other’s closet is permitted. (Oh no! Not for me!)
  10. Half an hour pep talks before a date are mandatory. (Oh yeah. I had this one friend I gave a pep talk before she went on her date. It went pretty well. So proud! :))
  11. Always help a fellow woman out during her time of the month. (Thanks mom for all the dark chocolate. Love em!)
  12. Rescue plans will be implemented when friends are heartbroken. (Let’s say I’m always there for my friends who are heart broken. Well it’s mostly that time that they remember the Counselor Mitchi is alive. XD)
  13. Never stay quiet when your friend is falling for an asshole. (True talk!)

And the rest are pretty much more girl talk. I also searched up why the number one rule ‘Never date your friend’s ex’ is important. According to stylesweekly here are the reasons. And by friend we mean a really close friend who you spend time with and confide in (and they do the same with you) who has an ex-boyfriend who’d like to date you.

1. It’s Not Good For Your Friendship: If you and your friend are super close, then she probably told you about her relationship with the guy. Just think about how uncomfortable it will be for the both of you for her to know that not only are you aware of some of the innermost secrets of her relationship but now, you’re going to learn about some of those things firsthand. Yeah, awkward doesn’t even begin to cut it!

2. It Could Ultimately Cost You Your Friendship: If your friend does pretend that she’s cool with it at first (which is shocking all on its own), don’t be surprised if she’s not in the long run. She has every reason to think that you dating her ex is a bit on the side of disloyal. And when you don’t really trust someone, it’s hard to be friends with them

3. It’s Shady On Your Part (And His): Your friend is more than fair if she asks you how long you and her ex have entertained dating each other. And even if the topic didn’t come up before they ended their relationship, you certainly shouldn’t blame her for thinking that the two of you might have been sneaking around. And either way, thinking that being together is cool is pretty shady on both of your parts.

4. You’ll Never Be Able To Full Trust Him: What would make you think that if he is OK with seeing two friends that he won’t mind doing it again with one of your other friends? And really, can you trust that? Probably not.

5. He Might Have A Hidden Agenda: Revenge reveals itself in a sorts of ways. And sometimes, you don’t really see it coming. Be careful about a guy who wants to date you shortly after his relationship ends with your friend. You might be nothing more than a pawn to hurt her feelings or make her jealous.

6. Chances Are, You’ll Dislike Some Of The Same Things She Did: The reason why you and her are friends is because the two of you have some things in common, right? That’s probably why you like some of the same guys. Here’s what you probably weren’t prepared for, though. That’s also probably why you’ll end up disliking some of the same things about your friend’s ex as she did.

7. He May (Openly) Compare The Two Of You: It’s actually a given that he’s going to compare the two of you. That’s natural. What you might not be prepared for is him comparing you openly. “Sara would never wear that” or “Katie actually likes this restaurant, you don’t?” Who wants to feel like there’s constantly a measuring stick in their relationship. And not only that but someone who they actually know?

8. His Friends May Compare The Two Of You Too: Here’s an icky thought. Guys talk to their friends. This means that he talked to them about your friend (and who knows what was said) and now, you’re up for conversation. And yes, that also usually includes comparisons. Between you and your friend. This time, not only by one guy…but several.

9. It Could Be A Reputation Killer: Honestly, at the end of the day, character should trump reputation. But in this case, they both basically work together. Even if you feel that dating an ex of your friend is the exception and not the rule, what is it about your character that thinks it’s a good thing to do? And if you don’t care, that attitude is what could ultimately affect your reputation.

10. You’ll Have A Hard Time Balancing The Two Relationships: So, if you’re used to you and your friend telling each other everything and she can’t stand her ex and/or her ex can’t stand her either, how are you going to balance everything out? It sounds like a tug of war more than anything else. And what’s the fun/use/benefit in that?

11. It Will Be Hard To Get Others’ Support And Understanding: Hopefully, you have people in your life who are going to love you no matter what. But if a lot of them are like “We just don’t get this so we’re not sure we can offer the best advice”, don’t fault them for it. It’s complicated at best.

12. There’s A Slim Chance It Will Get Anywhere…Far: When a guy knows that you’re willing to date your friend’s ex, it might cause him to wonder if you’re also capable of dating one of this friends up the road. That puts your integrity into question which may put an expiration date on your relationship before it even really gets off of the ground.

13. They Might Ultimately End Up Back Together: Gee. Now wouldn’t this be a boomerang? How mad can you really be if after dating you, he goes back to the woman he was seeing before you? There’s a chance of this happening. Do you really wanna risk it?

14. There Are Plenty Of Other Guys To Choose From: Aren’t there enough guys in the world that dating the ex of a friend is worth avoiding? Just asking.

15. You’re So Much Better Than That: While there are rare instances where dating the friend of an ex could work, it’s close to the chances of winning the lottery. Between trying to get your friend to trust you, trying to keep the relationship from being super awkward and trying to keep any type of guilt at bay, you’re better than all of this. Don’t look at a close friend’s ex as “the ultimate catch”, but the ultimate distraction when it comes to finding someone who you—and your friend—can be happy about you being with instead.

Okay these points are doing a pretty good job of convincing me that dating your friend’s ex is a huge NO NO. But then what happens when it’s actually true love and you guys are soul-mates? Yes I believe in soul-mates. Maybe there’s an exception for that.

I would really love to hear what you reader think about it. Is it a good idea to date your friend’s ex or is it just a big NO NO for you?

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