What Interracial Couples Go Through + Things People Need To Understand About Interracial Couples

Hey guys! I’m back!

I know, it’s been a while, and I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as much as I promised this year. I guess I have something to write on my New Year’s Resolution XD

Firsts of, Happy New Month!!! Christmas is almost here, and I am as excited as can be. It’s my first Christmas in Germany after more than 10 years(I think), no kidding.

One of the updates in my life is that I now have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for about 7 months now, and God knows I love him with all my heart.

Another thing is that we’re an interracial couple. He’s German (White) and I’m Nigerian (Black). Our relationship hasn’t been easy. I mean with so many cultural differences and our own differences, we’re trying our best. ❤

So, here I’m going to be touching up on the struggles faced by interracial couples (with the help of Cosmopolitan, hellobeautiful, datingtips, huffingtonpost ).

original                                                                                                   (picture credit to owner, NOT ME)

1. Other interracial couples.
This is probably one of the most surprising revelations, but interacting with other interracial couples can sometimes be a negative experience. Often, other couples project their realities (and insecurities) onto you. It’s not necessarily that you expect other people in interracial relationships to share some kind of special camaraderie with you, although that may be the case. It’s just that you naturally assume that they will understand why you don’t want your relationship to be viewed through the lens of some pretty interesting (and sometimes completely absurd) assumptions.

Much like dealing with any other couple, you’ll find yourself simply having to keep your own relationship struggles to yourself. Just because your friends or other couples can’t get past their issues, don’t let it leak into your own partnership.

2. People who will fetishize your interracial relationship.
As a Black woman, you may have already been dealing with distinguishing between people who are into you as a fetish, and people who are into you, period. But as your relationship goes on, you’ll often come across people who are creepily fascinated by it. To the point where they want a step-by-step guide on how to be in such a relationship of their own.

It shouldn’t be so hard to believe , but a lot of people in interracial relationships didn’t necessarily make being in one, a goal. Mostly, you meet people, you enjoy their company, you go from there. Either way, it’s sometimes laughable (and sometimes a bore) if you’re in an interracial relationship to come across people who fetishize it like some sort of exotic experience.

3. Cultural Differences
One of the main challenges facing many interracial couples is their culture. Each one may be brought up differently based on each other’s cultural background. Sometimes, these differences can be polar opposites to what each other believes in. It can create that tension between couples if they are not able to handle it effectively. For new couples, discovering and learning about the cultural practices of each partner can also be quite a challenge as well.  These challenges can usually be addressed effectively if couples learn to work together out of mutual respect for each other’s differences.

4. It’s Not Just About Sex 

Many questions some people in interracial relationships receive hinge on sex. Are black girls freakier than white girls? Are Asian girls more submissive? Who has the bigger penis, black men or Latino men? These kinds of questions only perpetuate racial stereotypes (regardless of whether they’re “positive” or not) and turn the idea of interracial dating into a kind of experiment or phase. While sex can be an important component of many people’s relationships, it shouldn’t be viewed as the primary motivation for any committed relationship, interracial or otherwise.

5. Being In An Interracial Relationship Doesn’t Mean You’ve Solved Racism 

Amongst some members of the “team swirl” community,  there are those who think that the beauty of these interracial couplings signifies a better world. Well, while dating outside of your race might demonstrate that you are open-minded, at the end of the day, interracial relationships won’t necessarily “solve” racism. The growth of interracial relationships in the last 20 years certainly demonstrates that we’ve progressed towards accepting these kinds of relationships and racial equality overall, but we have a long way to go. In a perfect world, race would not be an issue, but it is, and it’s ok for interracial partners to acknowledge that. In fact, it’s encouraged.

6. No, People Of Colour Who Date White People Don’t Hate Themselves 

The idea that a person of colour who dates a white person is harbouring some kind of self-hatred is a far too simplistic one. Of course, there are instances where issues of self-acceptance may be at play, but this is not a hard and fast rule. No, black men and women who date or marry white partners (especially after being with black people in the past) are not necessarily doing so for status or validation. There are a lot of reasons why people are attracted to other people. If a black person dates someone outside of their race, their “blackness” — and how they feel about it — should not automatically be called into question.

6. Calm Down — It’s Not That Big A Deal

At the end of the day, interracial dating doesn’t always have to be a big deal. Which is to say, questions like “What will your parents think?” or “What about raising your kids in two different cultures?” might be a factor for some couples, but not all. Projecting expectations about what individual couples experience rather than allowing them to show and tell does nothing to move the conversation forward. An interracial relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship, not some big political statement. These couples are revolutionary by simply just being. Let interracial couples decide what being in an interracial relationship means to them.

7. There’s Always Something New To Learn 

The beauty in interracial relationships, and all relationships in general, is the opportunity to learn and grow from someone who might come from a different background and a different perspective for you. The colourblind approach of not seeing a partner’s race and understanding how that affects the way they navigate in a relationship isn’t the right way to go about it. Instead, being willing to speak frankly about race is key —  it’s an opportunity for couples to become even more honest, more open, and most of all more aware.

I hope you’ve learnt a bit about interracial couples. It’s not always easy, there are times where things get tough and you wonder if it’s really worth it. But let me tell you one thing, listen to your heart. I love my boyfriend and I know that our future isn’t going to be all flowers and ish, but hey, life is a rollercoaster. Things go up, spin around, but at the end, it’s worth it.

I love you guys! Happy Merry December.

And hey, I’d love to hear about your relationships. How do you deal with conflict between you and your lover? Leave your thoughts in the comment down below.

Stay warm, stay safe and till my next post.

Mitchi ❤

(LIVE, LIFE, LOVE)

 

 

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So Far, So Good

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Things are changed really; I can hear it in the air
No river of fortune makes us happy, unless
we are cherished by the memory.
Depressions are only friend of loneliness
Sky remains silence and the Hope…..
Days are breaking upon the shore…but
I m on my little boat, Crossing the wild Ocean…alone…
Unknown of the distance; untold of the destination – but keep moving on.
In each moment I pray to God, dun no why,
Inside my mind: So far so good, So far so good…So far…

-Rafiqul Anowar

From a Broken Smile pt1

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You know,
When I think about it
I dont seem to matter anymore,
Ever since she came along
You could have waited till I at least left
Before you stung her along
My feelings dont matter anymore
Neither do my thoughts
Your problems, priority, you two, majority
It doesnt matter if  speak my mind
Reality, you’ll never understand, you never did
You claim to be there for me
How do sweet words come out of your mouth
And your expressions and action remain so cold?
It’s all about what she says and what she wants and what she did 🙂
I mean, I should be happy for you that you have a new one
Congratulations my dear, I’m happy for you 🙂
You used to be able to detect the ‘I’m Fine’ lies
Now my words slip through your fingers like fine sand from the sea side
Whenever I’m with you two, I wish things could go back to the way they were
When I didnt have to bottle my feelings up
Or lie to get out of spending time with you
I thought I finally had a friend I could rely on
But boi was I wrong
I expressed my worries about moving
But you shut them down faster than paparazzi spreading rumours
At times I wonder if you can’t feel any changes
Maybe you’re used to being all about yourself and your problems
I knew this was too good to be true
If you read this, you’d probably laugh it off
I know…or you wouldn’t say anything
That’s more like you
You once told me we were friends because we didn’t know anyone else
I’m happy for you
I’m smiling with a broken smile
Happy with a sad smile
I miss the girl I met on February 27th
Because she’s definitely not the one standing in front of me now
Because this one is colder than Elsa the frozen queen
The one in front of me is superficial and unreal
Much like a character out of the popular movie
That I never watched but everyone liked
I guess the only best friend you can have is yourself
Whoever says friends cannot break your heart has clearly never had friends before
But I guess you’ll never know
Cause you’re just as good as pretending as I am
This fake smile, will just keep smiling
While sobbing on the inside
Welcome to my world, unreal reality 🙂
First time is a mistake
Second time is by chance
Third time is my stupidity
Good night, while I cry myself to sleep
Over a friend I never had
It’s time to cry…brb

– From Her Broken Midnight Smile

Trying To Keep Up With Kpop + School + Minzy’s Solo Debut

So as you may or may I have not been putting up regular Blogs as I promised. I am really sorry. I just finished my exams today and boi….I have a good feeling about it 🙂

When I was back home I asked myself how do people with college lives even manage to keep up with New Kpop Videos that pop out like 24/7? I thought it was easy because back home I was able to keep up with them, and stream them for hours every single day.

But, it is not easy. I have not been able to keep up with the Kpop World at all. It is moving too fast for me and I feel like I’m sinking and everything is crazy!

I’m curently watching the new videos from Winner which is Really Really and Fool. I also saw clips of IU’s new video Palette, featuring GDragon.
IU ft. GDragon: Palette > https://youtu.be/d9IxdwEFk1c

I also watched Minzy’s new video Ninano, from debut extended play, ‘MINZY WORK 01 UNO’. I feel like all blackjacks have been waiting for this day to come.
Minzy: Ninano > https://youtu.be/nmZGpBIz_Gg

C2kMm0k I am so proud of her. Ninano showed off her Charm and she also used her Purple Microphone on live stages and also at her showcase. I was/am a proud Blackjack and also I’m really just so proud of Minzy. She didn’t go safe with her solo debut, but she went STRONG, FIERCE, AND SEXY!!!!

I didn’t even know the video was up. I was like oh let me see if Musicworks uploaded something about Minzy and BAM IT WAS UP AND I FREAKED OUT AND I COULDN’T STOP PLAYING IT. Then I watched the reaction videos and oh my they were amazing!

I’m so proud of you Minzy. You keep doing your thing!!!!

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I will really try to post more Blogs, at least once a week.

Keep listening to kpop, because it feels good!

Till next time!

Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

I went to a club some days ago and I heard this song that got me pumping and feeling really good. I later found out that it was Shape of you By Ed Sheeran. It’s from his album
➗” ( DIVIDE).  I was really shocked because I’m wasn’t a fan of his music at all but Shape of You made me want to listen to more songs from him. And I also listened to his other songs and I can finally see why people love him and his music so much. It’s so heartfelt and emotional and true. I really didn’t get the whole hype about Ed Sheeran, but listening to Shape of You showed me what the hype was all about. And his songs are totally worth the hype. I’ll be listening to the whole album this weekend. That’s my idea of fun 🙂

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I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I

Puzzle Pieces

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In that moment it clicks.
I know exactly what to do.
Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

In that moment time stops,
For about an hour we are endless.
She looks up at me and smiles.

In that moment I melt.
Her hair is everywhere
There is sweat on her brow.

In that moment we don’t care.
We are each other .
We are happy.

(written by Dakotah Blake Daffron from hellopoetry)

Dating My Best Friend?

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I’ve noticed that whenever I’m with friends and we’re talking about friendship, and I tell them that my best friend is a guy, they always try to convince me or try and ‘make’ me realise that I’m in love with my best friend all because of the logic that says girls cannot be friends with the opposite sex without one of them or both of them having feelings for each other.

And totally understand their point too because before I became best friends with my bestie, whenever I’d see a guy and a girl together, the first thing that would pop into my mind is that they’re dating, or they kind of like each other. But ever since we became best friends, I realised that it’s possible to be friends with a the opposite sex and not have any romantic feelings for them. I even talked to him about this whole people thinking I’m dating my best friend issue, that I was having a hard time convincing people that I am not dating him and he surprisingly told me that he was also having a hard time convincing people too.

Here are a few reasons people think girls and guys CANNOT be Just FRIENDS (thanks to thoughtcatalog.com).

1. Sometimes in close friendships, caring gets confused for feelings.
When you are best friends with someone of the opposite gender (assuming you are heterosexual), any action you take to show your friend how much you care can be passed off as a secret sign of showing affection on a deeper level.

2. You always have to dodge the “Are you dating?” question.
You want to go out to eat together and people assume you’re a couple. Doing things alone, just the two of you, isn’t weird for either of you, but to your onlookers, you appear to be an exclusive couple. Answering that question sometimes is followed with a “Why not?” which leads to further explanation of the dynamic of your confusing friendship.

3. You never really know what they’re feeling.
Is he secretly in love with you, despite denying the possibility? Are you secretly in love with him, even though you think you only see him as more of a sibling? Should you be secretly in love with him? Would it make everything fall into place—or would it destroy everything?

4. You find yourself getting jealous.
If your friend starts dating someone or spends more time with a new potential significant other, you might feel as though things are falling apart. You’re not necessarily jealous because you want to date him; you’re just jealous because you’re no longer the only girl in his life. You might also be jealous because you want what he has.

5. Your relationship is held to a different standard than other friendships.
Because of that unusual dynamic between the two of you, you expect certain things to happen and/or not happen. When these expectations aren’t met, they hurt worse than any of your other friendships.

6. Sometimes you end up being let down.
You hold your friend to a higher standard because the relationship is—on some levels—more intimate, even though it is just a friendship. Anything that may go wrong hurts twice as much because you feel as though you’ve lost more than any other normal friendship.

I find some of these a bit absurd because unless you have feelings for him, you wouldn’t be getting jealous that he’s dating someone or he’s spending time with a potential spouse. If you are crushing on him and falling for him, tell him because it’s really no use keeping it to yourself and going through a roller coaster of emotions. I’m not saying that a girl and guy that are friends cannot be in love.What I’m saying is that It’s a 50:30:20 ratio of how things might be. 50% might be in love, 30% might be having one-sided love feelings, and the remaining 20% is just friends.

My best friend is an amazing guy and the girl that’s going to date him/get married to him is going to be the luckiest girl on earth because he’s simply amazing, down to earth, positive, you name it. He listens to me when I’m being whining, when I’m happy, when I’m having trouble with my girl friends and he’s basically like family. And he’s funny and goofy ad I could write a whole book about the type of person he is.

Do you think a girl and guy can be friends and not have romantic feelings for each other? Leave your thoughts in the comments.