When I think about it
I dont seem to matter anymore,
Ever since she came along
You could have waited till I at least left
Before you stung her along
My feelings dont matter anymore
Neither do my thoughts
Your problems, priority, you two, majority
It doesnt matter if speak my mind
Reality, you’ll never understand, you never did
You claim to be there for me
How do sweet words come out of your mouth
And your expressions and action remain so cold?
It’s all about what she says and what she wants and what she did 🙂
I mean, I should be happy for you that you have a new one
Congratulations my dear, I’m happy for you 🙂
You used to be able to detect the ‘I’m Fine’ lies
Now my words slip through your fingers like fine sand from the sea side
Whenever I’m with you two, I wish things could go back to the way they were
When I didnt have to bottle my feelings up
Or lie to get out of spending time with you
I thought I finally had a friend I could rely on
But boi was I wrong
I expressed my worries about moving
But you shut them down faster than paparazzi spreading rumours
At times I wonder if you can’t feel any changes
Maybe you’re used to being all about yourself and your problems
I knew this was too good to be true
If you read this, you’d probably laugh it off
I know…or you wouldn’t say anything
That’s more like you
You once told me we were friends because we didn’t know anyone else
I’m happy for you
I’m smiling with a broken smile
Happy with a sad smile
I miss the girl I met on February 27th
Because she’s definitely not the one standing in front of me now
Because this one is colder than Elsa the frozen queen
The one in front of me is superficial and unreal
Much like a character out of the popular movie
That I never watched but everyone liked
I guess the only best friend you can have is yourself
Whoever says friends cannot break your heart has clearly never had friends before
But I guess you’ll never know
Cause you’re just as good as pretending as I am
This fake smile, will just keep smiling
While sobbing on the inside
Welcome to my world, unreal reality 🙂
First time is a mistake
Second time is by chance
Third time is my stupidity
Good night, while I cry myself to sleep
Over a friend I never had
It’s time to cry…brb
– From Her Broken Midnight Smile
So as you may or may I have not been putting up regular Blogs as I promised. I am really sorry. I just finished my exams today and boi….I have a good feeling about it 🙂
When I was back home I asked myself how do people with college lives even manage to keep up with New Kpop Videos that pop out like 24/7? I thought it was easy because back home I was able to keep up with them, and stream them for hours every single day.
But, it is not easy. I have not been able to keep up with the Kpop World at all. It is moving too fast for me and I feel like I’m sinking and everything is crazy!
I’m curently watching the new videos from Winner which is Really Really and Fool. I also saw clips of IU’s new video Palette, featuring GDragon.
IU ft. GDragon: Palette > https://youtu.be/d9IxdwEFk1c
I also watched Minzy’s new video Ninano, from debut extended play, ‘MINZY WORK 01 UNO’. I feel like all blackjacks have been waiting for this day to come.
Minzy: Ninano > https://youtu.be/nmZGpBIz_Gg
I am so proud of her. Ninano showed off her Charm and she also used her Purple Microphone on live stages and also at her showcase. I was/am a proud Blackjack and also I’m really just so proud of Minzy. She didn’t go safe with her solo debut, but she went STRONG, FIERCE, AND SEXY!!!!
I didn’t even know the video was up. I was like oh let me see if Musicworks uploaded something about Minzy and BAM IT WAS UP AND I FREAKED OUT AND I COULDN’T STOP PLAYING IT. Then I watched the reaction videos and oh my they were amazing!
I’m so proud of you Minzy. You keep doing your thing!!!!
I will really try to post more Blogs, at least once a week.
Keep listening to kpop, because it feels good!
Till next time!
I went to a club some days ago and I heard this song that got me pumping and feeling really good. I later found out that it was Shape of you By Ed Sheeran. It’s from his album
”” ( DIVIDE). I was really shocked because I’m wasn’t a fan of his music at all but Shape of You made me want to listen to more songs from him. And I also listened to his other songs and I can finally see why people love him and his music so much. It’s so heartfelt and emotional and true. I really didn’t get the whole hype about Ed Sheeran, but listening to Shape of You showed me what the hype was all about. And his songs are totally worth the hype. I’ll be listening to the whole album this weekend. That’s my idea of fun 🙂
I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
February 5…and I still haven’t written any lyrics. I did write one in January, but I’m yet to edit it.
I really want to write, but I’m can’t. I’m not feeling sad, neither am I depressed or you know anything that’s not happy, or pleased with myself. I’m happy and I’m pleased with myself. But I can’t seem to get around writing a happy set of lyrics. I’ve written one before, I didn’t like it. Everyone else that saw it loved it, but I didn’t. It felt ‘not me’ and fake.
I can just listen to my sad songs playlist, they will definitely make me write something. And by sad songs I mean heart wrenching, deep songs that literally make you feel the pain and make you miss a lover you never had, or feel sad about a breakup you never had. I don’t want to do that because they’ll make me sad.
I really need to start writing happy things, if not Happy like Pharrell Williams, but a song that goes along that direction. A song that truly shows how I’m feeling now…the real me.
I should at least try again.
Okay so I encountered different types of people. There was the pervy_nice guy, the ‘german’ advise giving guy, the loud kids and also the smarties_eating couples.
1. Pervy_Nice Guy: We met on my first plane here’s what out conversation was like.
Him: You can take of your shoes.
Me: Oh yeah thanks.
Him: You can take off everything else too.
*In my head I’m like what the hell…?*
Me: Hm no no and no.
Him: Come on, it can be two of us.
*I’m wondering why the heck I was even replying him*
Me: No no and no.
Him *pointing to my skirt*: I like your skirt.
The we talked a bit more. I didn’t ask his name and he didn’t ask mine either. He was fun to talk to. He then helped me get to my next terminal for my following flight.
Him: You’re really beautiful, I was going to Germany, then I could see you.
It’s really hard for me to accept compliments about how I look. I don’t really consider myself as pretty or beautiful. Only my family calls me beautiful, and it feels nice. But when an outsider compliments me, I don’t really know exactly how to feel except uncomfortable. Oh and he was kinda cute too… XD
2. The German Advise Giving Guy: While I was waiting for my next flight I took out a pack of gum and put one in my mouth. The man opposite me asked for one and I gave it to him. He then struck a conversation with me.
Him: Where are you going?
Him: Oh me too.
Him: So what are you going to do there?
Me: To study.
Him: What do you want to study?
Me: I’m still thinking about it.
*Which is true, I was currently thinking about my studies. I don’t like giving people I don’t know infos about me just like that.*
The he starts giving me advise and telling me about his life and I just kept saying nice, wow, good. Because I suck at small talk. I even had to google how to small_talk… 🙂
3. Smarties_eating Couple: Beside me while waiting for the next plane there was this really adorable couple and they were sharing smarties. It made me miss my parents even more. My parents are always so lovey dovey. They’re the reason I believe that true love exists. And I pray for a love like theirs. I’m currently single and I am not into dating anymore, but when I do get to the whole love thing again, I want a love like theirs. It’s pure and beautiful. Every time he talks about her, there’s this glow in his face and his eyes shine like the stars. And I’m always thinking, Wow, I want that too.
4. The Loud Kids: So on my second flight, 3 kids sat behind me and the kept making noise (which was fine because they’re kids) then they started farting and the smell was coming to me and I was trying to sleep. It was horrible but I survived!
I had fun. Yeah there were times that I wished that I wasn’t on my own, but oh well. I’m a big girl now.
Okay so before I travelled I did some things that I wasn’t supposed to do the day before I travelled.
1. When your eye is itchy do not itch it unless you want it looking like someone punched you in the face: My eyes were itching so bad and I kept itching it. In the morning I had a red-eye and went out looking like I had gotten into a boxing ring and got my ass handed to me the night before.
2. Do not were tight clothing no matter how nice it looks. You’ll wish for baggies at some point: My top was tight, my skirt was tight my sweater was tight. I thought it looked really nice which it did, but it was so uncomfortable. 😦
3. Do not ask the server for things you do not know even if she offers them. Play safe and pick the things you know: Okay so on the plane the server was like ‘Ravioli or Chicken’. And I was like Ravioli,´. She gave that to me and boi it did not taste nice to me at all. So I couldn’t eat it and I was hungry. Thank God for the cake and bread cause I really didn’t know what else to do and I was too lazy to stand up and take my bag that was overhead. Cookies were in there.
4. Know how to open the toilet door from inside: So I didn’t know how to open the toilet door and I couldn’t get out. I got scared because I thought no one would hear me. I banged on the door as hard I could until someone came to open for me. I was so embarrassed.
I have more posts coming up about my flight. There’s so much to write about. And it’s snowing. I love snow.