What Interracial Couples Go Through + Things People Need To Understand About Interracial Couples

Hey guys! I’m back!

I know, it’s been a while, and I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as much as I promised this year. I guess I have something to write on my New Year’s Resolution XD

Firsts of, Happy New Month!!! Christmas is almost here, and I am as excited as can be. It’s my first Christmas in Germany after more than 10 years(I think), no kidding.

One of the updates in my life is that I now have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for about 7 months now, and God knows I love him with all my heart.

Another thing is that we’re an interracial couple. He’s German (White) and I’m Nigerian (Black). Our relationship hasn’t been easy. I mean with so many cultural differences and our own differences, we’re trying our best. ❤

So, here I’m going to be touching up on the struggles faced by interracial couples (with the help of Cosmopolitan, hellobeautiful, datingtips, huffingtonpost ).

original                                                                                                   (picture credit to owner, NOT ME)

1. Other interracial couples.
This is probably one of the most surprising revelations, but interacting with other interracial couples can sometimes be a negative experience. Often, other couples project their realities (and insecurities) onto you. It’s not necessarily that you expect other people in interracial relationships to share some kind of special camaraderie with you, although that may be the case. It’s just that you naturally assume that they will understand why you don’t want your relationship to be viewed through the lens of some pretty interesting (and sometimes completely absurd) assumptions.

Much like dealing with any other couple, you’ll find yourself simply having to keep your own relationship struggles to yourself. Just because your friends or other couples can’t get past their issues, don’t let it leak into your own partnership.

2. People who will fetishize your interracial relationship.
As a Black woman, you may have already been dealing with distinguishing between people who are into you as a fetish, and people who are into you, period. But as your relationship goes on, you’ll often come across people who are creepily fascinated by it. To the point where they want a step-by-step guide on how to be in such a relationship of their own.

It shouldn’t be so hard to believe , but a lot of people in interracial relationships didn’t necessarily make being in one, a goal. Mostly, you meet people, you enjoy their company, you go from there. Either way, it’s sometimes laughable (and sometimes a bore) if you’re in an interracial relationship to come across people who fetishize it like some sort of exotic experience.

3. Cultural Differences
One of the main challenges facing many interracial couples is their culture. Each one may be brought up differently based on each other’s cultural background. Sometimes, these differences can be polar opposites to what each other believes in. It can create that tension between couples if they are not able to handle it effectively. For new couples, discovering and learning about the cultural practices of each partner can also be quite a challenge as well.  These challenges can usually be addressed effectively if couples learn to work together out of mutual respect for each other’s differences.

4. It’s Not Just About Sex 

Many questions some people in interracial relationships receive hinge on sex. Are black girls freakier than white girls? Are Asian girls more submissive? Who has the bigger penis, black men or Latino men? These kinds of questions only perpetuate racial stereotypes (regardless of whether they’re “positive” or not) and turn the idea of interracial dating into a kind of experiment or phase. While sex can be an important component of many people’s relationships, it shouldn’t be viewed as the primary motivation for any committed relationship, interracial or otherwise.

5. Being In An Interracial Relationship Doesn’t Mean You’ve Solved Racism 

Amongst some members of the “team swirl” community,  there are those who think that the beauty of these interracial couplings signifies a better world. Well, while dating outside of your race might demonstrate that you are open-minded, at the end of the day, interracial relationships won’t necessarily “solve” racism. The growth of interracial relationships in the last 20 years certainly demonstrates that we’ve progressed towards accepting these kinds of relationships and racial equality overall, but we have a long way to go. In a perfect world, race would not be an issue, but it is, and it’s ok for interracial partners to acknowledge that. In fact, it’s encouraged.

6. No, People Of Colour Who Date White People Don’t Hate Themselves 

The idea that a person of colour who dates a white person is harbouring some kind of self-hatred is a far too simplistic one. Of course, there are instances where issues of self-acceptance may be at play, but this is not a hard and fast rule. No, black men and women who date or marry white partners (especially after being with black people in the past) are not necessarily doing so for status or validation. There are a lot of reasons why people are attracted to other people. If a black person dates someone outside of their race, their “blackness” — and how they feel about it — should not automatically be called into question.

6. Calm Down — It’s Not That Big A Deal

At the end of the day, interracial dating doesn’t always have to be a big deal. Which is to say, questions like “What will your parents think?” or “What about raising your kids in two different cultures?” might be a factor for some couples, but not all. Projecting expectations about what individual couples experience rather than allowing them to show and tell does nothing to move the conversation forward. An interracial relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship, not some big political statement. These couples are revolutionary by simply just being. Let interracial couples decide what being in an interracial relationship means to them.

7. There’s Always Something New To Learn 

The beauty in interracial relationships, and all relationships in general, is the opportunity to learn and grow from someone who might come from a different background and a different perspective for you. The colourblind approach of not seeing a partner’s race and understanding how that affects the way they navigate in a relationship isn’t the right way to go about it. Instead, being willing to speak frankly about race is key —  it’s an opportunity for couples to become even more honest, more open, and most of all more aware.

I hope you’ve learnt a bit about interracial couples. It’s not always easy, there are times where things get tough and you wonder if it’s really worth it. But let me tell you one thing, listen to your heart. I love my boyfriend and I know that our future isn’t going to be all flowers and ish, but hey, life is a rollercoaster. Things go up, spin around, but at the end, it’s worth it.

I love you guys! Happy Merry December.

And hey, I’d love to hear about your relationships. How do you deal with conflict between you and your lover? Leave your thoughts in the comment down below.

Stay warm, stay safe and till my next post.

Mitchi ❤

(LIVE, LIFE, LOVE)

 

 

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Puzzle Pieces

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In that moment it clicks.
I know exactly what to do.
Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

In that moment time stops,
For about an hour we are endless.
She looks up at me and smiles.

In that moment I melt.
Her hair is everywhere
There is sweat on her brow.

In that moment we don’t care.
We are each other .
We are happy.

(written by Dakotah Blake Daffron from hellopoetry)

Dating My Best Friend?

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I’ve noticed that whenever I’m with friends and we’re talking about friendship, and I tell them that my best friend is a guy, they always try to convince me or try and ‘make’ me realise that I’m in love with my best friend all because of the logic that says girls cannot be friends with the opposite sex without one of them or both of them having feelings for each other.

And totally understand their point too because before I became best friends with my bestie, whenever I’d see a guy and a girl together, the first thing that would pop into my mind is that they’re dating, or they kind of like each other. But ever since we became best friends, I realised that it’s possible to be friends with a the opposite sex and not have any romantic feelings for them. I even talked to him about this whole people thinking I’m dating my best friend issue, that I was having a hard time convincing people that I am not dating him and he surprisingly told me that he was also having a hard time convincing people too.

Here are a few reasons people think girls and guys CANNOT be Just FRIENDS (thanks to thoughtcatalog.com).

1. Sometimes in close friendships, caring gets confused for feelings.
When you are best friends with someone of the opposite gender (assuming you are heterosexual), any action you take to show your friend how much you care can be passed off as a secret sign of showing affection on a deeper level.

2. You always have to dodge the “Are you dating?” question.
You want to go out to eat together and people assume you’re a couple. Doing things alone, just the two of you, isn’t weird for either of you, but to your onlookers, you appear to be an exclusive couple. Answering that question sometimes is followed with a “Why not?” which leads to further explanation of the dynamic of your confusing friendship.

3. You never really know what they’re feeling.
Is he secretly in love with you, despite denying the possibility? Are you secretly in love with him, even though you think you only see him as more of a sibling? Should you be secretly in love with him? Would it make everything fall into place—or would it destroy everything?

4. You find yourself getting jealous.
If your friend starts dating someone or spends more time with a new potential significant other, you might feel as though things are falling apart. You’re not necessarily jealous because you want to date him; you’re just jealous because you’re no longer the only girl in his life. You might also be jealous because you want what he has.

5. Your relationship is held to a different standard than other friendships.
Because of that unusual dynamic between the two of you, you expect certain things to happen and/or not happen. When these expectations aren’t met, they hurt worse than any of your other friendships.

6. Sometimes you end up being let down.
You hold your friend to a higher standard because the relationship is—on some levels—more intimate, even though it is just a friendship. Anything that may go wrong hurts twice as much because you feel as though you’ve lost more than any other normal friendship.

I find some of these a bit absurd because unless you have feelings for him, you wouldn’t be getting jealous that he’s dating someone or he’s spending time with a potential spouse. If you are crushing on him and falling for him, tell him because it’s really no use keeping it to yourself and going through a roller coaster of emotions. I’m not saying that a girl and guy that are friends cannot be in love.What I’m saying is that It’s a 50:30:20 ratio of how things might be. 50% might be in love, 30% might be having one-sided love feelings, and the remaining 20% is just friends.

My best friend is an amazing guy and the girl that’s going to date him/get married to him is going to be the luckiest girl on earth because he’s simply amazing, down to earth, positive, you name it. He listens to me when I’m being whining, when I’m happy, when I’m having trouble with my girl friends and he’s basically like family. And he’s funny and goofy ad I could write a whole book about the type of person he is.

Do you think a girl and guy can be friends and not have romantic feelings for each other? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Is Something Wrong With Me?

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February 5…and I still haven’t written any lyrics. I did write one in January, but I’m yet to edit it.

I really want to write, but I’m can’t. I’m not feeling sad, neither am I depressed or you know anything that’s not happy, or pleased with myself. I’m happy and I’m pleased with myself. But I can’t seem to get around writing a happy set of lyrics. I’ve written one before, I didn’t like it. Everyone else that saw it loved it, but I didn’t. It felt ‘not me’ and fake.

I can just listen to my sad songs playlist, they will definitely make me write something. And by sad songs I mean heart wrenching, deep songs that literally make you feel the pain and make you miss a lover you never had, or feel sad about a breakup you never had. I don’t want to do that because they’ll make me sad.

I really need to start writing happy things, if not Happy like Pharrell Williams, but a song that goes along that direction. A song that truly shows how I’m feeling now…the real me.

I should at least try again.

 

Moving To Germany

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Hey guys. You might have noticed that I haven’t been posting regularly for some time now. It’s because I’ve been super busy with preparing for my move to Germany.

I’m excited, happy, and scared all at the same time. Sure I’ve lived there before, but this is the first time that I’m actually going on my own.

I’ll really miss my parents, my mum, my dad, and my little baby boo bro too.

My mum is an amazing woman She’s a one of a kind wife and a one of a kind mother. She’s always there for me, she loves me like a daughter and a friend and just wants the best for you.

My dad is the best father and husband that I’ve ever met in my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever meet a man like him. He’s kind, loving, caring, he’s everything a woman could want in a husband and everything a daughter could ever wish for in a father.

I’m really going to miss them. 😥

I’m planning on creating a Youtube channel to be able to share my experiences and keep myself busy when I’m not busy. And I’ll also keep my Instagram updated. I haven’t been doing much of that either. I’ll try

I’m grateful that I have you guys to talk to. It keeps me motivated to write and I’m really sorry I haven’t been posting as frequent as normal. I’ll try my best. I promise.

I’m going to get back to packing my things. I’m leaving tomorrow! So excited!

Mitchi

Love Apart

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Even though we are miles apart
You are never far from my heart
I loved you then
I love you now
It’s always when and
Never how
Take me back to yesterday
All the wonderful things you had to say
I loved you then
I love you now
It’s always when
And never how
I see your eyes
I feel you near
Although you’re not
Really here

(written by Rhonda L. Luther)