Puzzle Pieces

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In that moment it clicks.
I know exactly what to do.
Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

In that moment time stops,
For about an hour we are endless.
She looks up at me and smiles.

In that moment I melt.
Her hair is everywhere
There is sweat on her brow.

In that moment we don’t care.
We are each other .
We are happy.

(written by Dakotah Blake Daffron from hellopoetry)

Dating My Best Friend?

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I’ve noticed that whenever I’m with friends and we’re talking about friendship, and I tell them that my best friend is a guy, they always try to convince me or try and ‘make’ me realise that I’m in love with my best friend all because of the logic that says girls cannot be friends with the opposite sex without one of them or both of them having feelings for each other.

And totally understand their point too because before I became best friends with my bestie, whenever I’d see a guy and a girl together, the first thing that would pop into my mind is that they’re dating, or they kind of like each other. But ever since we became best friends, I realised that it’s possible to be friends with a the opposite sex and not have any romantic feelings for them. I even talked to him about this whole people thinking I’m dating my best friend issue, that I was having a hard time convincing people that I am not dating him and he surprisingly told me that he was also having a hard time convincing people too.

Here are a few reasons people think girls and guys CANNOT be Just FRIENDS (thanks to thoughtcatalog.com).

1. Sometimes in close friendships, caring gets confused for feelings.
When you are best friends with someone of the opposite gender (assuming you are heterosexual), any action you take to show your friend how much you care can be passed off as a secret sign of showing affection on a deeper level.

2. You always have to dodge the “Are you dating?” question.
You want to go out to eat together and people assume you’re a couple. Doing things alone, just the two of you, isn’t weird for either of you, but to your onlookers, you appear to be an exclusive couple. Answering that question sometimes is followed with a “Why not?” which leads to further explanation of the dynamic of your confusing friendship.

3. You never really know what they’re feeling.
Is he secretly in love with you, despite denying the possibility? Are you secretly in love with him, even though you think you only see him as more of a sibling? Should you be secretly in love with him? Would it make everything fall into place—or would it destroy everything?

4. You find yourself getting jealous.
If your friend starts dating someone or spends more time with a new potential significant other, you might feel as though things are falling apart. You’re not necessarily jealous because you want to date him; you’re just jealous because you’re no longer the only girl in his life. You might also be jealous because you want what he has.

5. Your relationship is held to a different standard than other friendships.
Because of that unusual dynamic between the two of you, you expect certain things to happen and/or not happen. When these expectations aren’t met, they hurt worse than any of your other friendships.

6. Sometimes you end up being let down.
You hold your friend to a higher standard because the relationship is—on some levels—more intimate, even though it is just a friendship. Anything that may go wrong hurts twice as much because you feel as though you’ve lost more than any other normal friendship.

I find some of these a bit absurd because unless you have feelings for him, you wouldn’t be getting jealous that he’s dating someone or he’s spending time with a potential spouse. If you are crushing on him and falling for him, tell him because it’s really no use keeping it to yourself and going through a roller coaster of emotions. I’m not saying that a girl and guy that are friends cannot be in love.What I’m saying is that It’s a 50:30:20 ratio of how things might be. 50% might be in love, 30% might be having one-sided love feelings, and the remaining 20% is just friends.

My best friend is an amazing guy and the girl that’s going to date him/get married to him is going to be the luckiest girl on earth because he’s simply amazing, down to earth, positive, you name it. He listens to me when I’m being whining, when I’m happy, when I’m having trouble with my girl friends and he’s basically like family. And he’s funny and goofy ad I could write a whole book about the type of person he is.

Do you think a girl and guy can be friends and not have romantic feelings for each other? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Is Something Wrong With Me?

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February 5…and I still haven’t written any lyrics. I did write one in January, but I’m yet to edit it.

I really want to write, but I’m can’t. I’m not feeling sad, neither am I depressed or you know anything that’s not happy, or pleased with myself. I’m happy and I’m pleased with myself. But I can’t seem to get around writing a happy set of lyrics. I’ve written one before, I didn’t like it. Everyone else that saw it loved it, but I didn’t. It felt ‘not me’ and fake.

I can just listen to my sad songs playlist, they will definitely make me write something. And by sad songs I mean heart wrenching, deep songs that literally make you feel the pain and make you miss a lover you never had, or feel sad about a breakup you never had. I don’t want to do that because they’ll make me sad.

I really need to start writing happy things, if not Happy like Pharrell Williams, but a song that goes along that direction. A song that truly shows how I’m feeling now…the real me.

I should at least try again.

 

Late Night starring Me

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You know that feeling when you’re supposed to think about something but then you refuse to think about it, then something happens that forces you to think about it.

Half of me wishes I didn’t thinking about it, or even have to think about it. I managed to ‘not think about it’ for a few months now, but today, a friend sent me a song that totally broke down my walls and forced me to think about it. The song is Afraid by The Neighbourhood.

When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place

As I started to listen to it, my mind began to tell me that I could relate to that song.

I’m the type of person that would do anything for a true friend, I’d cross oceans for them, climb mountains for them, be there for them, let them know I believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves. I encourage, strengthen them with positive words, lend an ear when they need someone to talk to. I would do anything just to make them smile and be happy.

Unfortunately…at the end of me doing all that I feel so lonely, and sad, and I feel like I’m alone and just wandering about making others happy, trying to keep myself positive even when it’s like I’m walking through hell.

Like let’s say they need help with promoting a page, I help out as much as I can, or they need to get something done, I’m always there to help out, give advise when they need it. Even with non friends, I still help out.

I can’t help but feel sad when I need help and I’m left alone on desert ground. I really didn’t want to write anything up tonight, but my heart feels so heavy and my eyes are stinging. I just need someone to talk to, someone I connect with.

I noticed that little by little these so called friends began not taking me seriously, and pretty much everything I do is on my own. I avoid group chats because I feel like the odd one out. I can send 5 messages and they all get ignored, so why bother even showing up there o doing what they want?

Little by little I began distancing myself away from them, from talking to people, slowly closing up my heart’s doors. I dont know why I even go on facebook, well it’s to keep my page alive. My page just hit 1000 likes, no thanks to them.

I’m not feeling salty or bitter, I’m just sad and dissapointed in everything, and myself too. I keep asking myself why I can’t just pretend to be all bubbly and get along with all of them. Believe me, I tried, but bubbly Mitchi isn’t me. I’m not someone is 100% happy all the time. I have my blue days, days where I feel so down and alone and dejected. Days where I don’t want to even open my laptop or post anything, days where Iwised that I could just start everything over that maybe, maybe I would turn out to be a different person.

We don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don’t love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don’t talk anymore, like we used to do…

– We Don’t Talk Anymore

I feel like I’m meant to understand others, but no one understands me. I’ve always been the odd one out. No matter where I go, I’m always that odd person. At school, the mall (I hate shopping, unless it’s absolutely necessary). I don’t know why, I guess I’m too different to fit in.

Maybe I haven’t met the right person, or the right group of people yet. I really hope I do…

Thanks for reading my muddled up thoughts. That was Late Night with Mitchi.

Mitchi

She’s Trouble (So They Say)

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She’s trouble so they say
She’ll slay your heart
Tear it apart
Never mind her history
She’s a mystery
Neglected as a child
Emotional abuse
she hates men
Does she have a reason?

Behind her eyes lesions and cuts to her soul
Though they call her slut and say she’s out of control
She yearns and burns for a man who will calm her inner being
See the hurting girl inside who’s trapped in her own head
Instead of taking her to bed for a one night stand
A love that hold her through the lonely hours
A love that will never sour
Or grow cold
Or scold her for being her
A love that inspires fire
That comforts her
and talks her through agonising visions of the past
A love that lasts.

(written by Alienpoet from hellopoetry)

Extrovert or Introvert

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Yesterday, while talking to my parents, I realized something. They still think of me as an extrovert. I’m actually a mixture of an extrovert and introvert aka Ambivert. That is, someone who displays the characteristics of both an extrovert and introvert.

When I was much younger, I hated being alone, I either wanted to be with other people, and stay outside of the house. I disliked anything that had to do with me riding solo. Always wanting to be with my mates, just surrounded by people.

As I began to grow emotionally and mentally, I withdrew from all that, and now (not now, like years ago) I realize that I’m actually an Ambivert.

Now, you might (might not) be a little bit confused as to how can someone be a mixture of both extrovert and introvert. Let me break down the characteristics of an extrovert, introvert and ambivert for you.

The Extrovert:
Energized by external stimulation—with people, environment, activity
Processes thoughts while talking
Motivated by external rewards, recognition and feedback
Outgoing—easy to get to know

The Introvert:
Energized internally, while being alone
Craves solitude to balance out social time
Speaks only when they have something to say
Thinks before speaking, processing thoughts internally

The Ambivert
Socially flexible—comfortable in social situations or being alone.
Skilled at communicating—intuits when to listen or to talk.
Moderate in mood—not overly expressive or reserved.
Adaptable—no default mode, so they change their approach to fit the situation

(a big thank you to Beth Buelow for the differences between these personality types) 

I can stay at home for let’s say one week and not feel like going out. And other times, I’d go out when I need to. I’m not really someone who has to always be doing something outside, because I have more than enough things to do at home, stuff that keeps me busy for weeks, months even.

Another thing is when I meet a person, I study their personality, and end up acting as their opposite personality if that makes any sense. If they are extrovert, I would be turn introvert (while also showing a few extroverted characteristics). If they were introvert, I would be extrovert (while also showing a few introverted characteristics). I’m yet to meet another ambivert like me. It’s something that I’ve always done. It started as I started to grow up.

Let me give an example. There was this girl in my high school grade, she was an introvert. And whenever she was with her friends, they would laugh and it was fun watching them. (SideNote: I didn’t really make friends in high school. But that’s for another post 🙂 ) Whenever I would be with her, one on one, I would automatically turn extrovert (while also showing a few introverted characteristics) and did most of the talking because I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable around me. And when I was around this other girl who was a huge extrovert, I would again automatically turn introvert (while also showing a few extroverted characteristics).

I’m still not still not sure why I do that. For some time I tried to act like just one personality. It didn’t work out at all. I felt like a fish out of water and it drove me nuts so I stopped and just decided being me was the best thing to do.

A few years ago, I met an introvert, another girl. Family related. She disliked going out, I (the ‘extrovert’) always persuaded her to go shopping with me and go to school functions with me and hang out with me, outside. After a while of studying her, the way she acted convinced me that it being an introvert wasn’t so bad and that it was perfectly fine too. Although I still exhibited the characteristics of an extrovert, I began showing my introverted self too. That was the first time I showed both characteristics, like 50/50.

I can also relate to almost anyone, but the downside to that is that not many people can relate to me and when I’m exhibiting introverted characteristics, they’re always telling me oh, what a boring person you are, you don’t know how to have fun, and their talk goes on and on and on. I usually end up cutting such people off because they really give me a not so good vibe.

I found this article about 7 Things Only People With Ambivert Personality Will Understand. And it’s pretty accurate (apart from the party things, I hate loud noises, so no parties for me).

We are able to relate to nearly everyone: An ambivert personality gets along so well with both introverts and extroverts that we have no trouble making friends. The thing is, we can relate to both ways of being and are happy with our sociable friends and completely understanding of introverts need for time alone. The downside of this is that we often don’t receive quite the same understanding back. Our extroverted friends just don’t understand that yesterday we were the life and soul of the party and now we just want to be alone – and some of them can take the apparent change in behavior personally. In the same way, the introverted friend who enjoys quite a time with their ambivert friend can’t understand how he likes to party so much.

Our activity levels change constantly: Because there are two sides to our personality, we can have clear spikes and lulls in our activity levels. Some of our weeks may be full of activity, meet-ups, phone calls, messages and nights out. But then there is a lull, a few days when we just want to stay home alone and work on a project, watch TV or read. We find it hard to interact with others at times like this and friends may wonder why we don’t take their calls, answer their messages or say yes to a night out.

We like to talk but not for the sake of it: Ambiverts can talk about many subjects as loudly and as enthusiastically as the next person, but we hate small talk (I detest small talk). When around people with similar interests, ambiverts can get involved in long animated discussions about the things they love. However, with people we know less well, we struggle because many conversation starters, such as talking about work, family or the weather are unbearable for ambiverts – we don’t want to skim the surface of social interactions we want to go deeper.

After a day of being out in the real world with people and noises, I just want to come home, sit on my sofa with a hot cocoa, or bowl of candy while watching a movie or series. It’s always comforting to know after a long day, I can always be alone again. It really helps me feel good and just be me, alone.

Some of these things are like contradicting, if you notice, ‘normal ambiverts’ when with extroverts are extroverts, when with introverts are introverts. With me, it’s not really the case, I just tend to be the opposite of them.

But then also, I’m just starting to just be exactly who I am, whichever characteristic pops up at the moment, I go with it. Because trying to force myself to be one thing when internally everything is screaming NO NO NO drives me nuts. So yeah, this is me. Also when I met people that I just naturally flow with, I show both characteristics. With my best friend, I’m able to be me, today I’m all up and about chatty and crazy, and tomorrow, as silent as a church mouse.

Happy Sunday readers. I hope you had a good day, if not, it’s alright. Better days will come.