So Far, So Good

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Things are changed really; I can hear it in the air
No river of fortune makes us happy, unless
we are cherished by the memory.
Depressions are only friend of loneliness
Sky remains silence and the Hope…..
Days are breaking upon the shore…but
I m on my little boat, Crossing the wild Ocean…alone…
Unknown of the distance; untold of the destination – but keep moving on.
In each moment I pray to God, dun no why,
Inside my mind: So far so good, So far so good…So far…

-Rafiqul Anowar

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From a Broken Smile pt1

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You know,
When I think about it
I dont seem to matter anymore,
Ever since she came along
You could have waited till I at least left
Before you stung her along
My feelings dont matter anymore
Neither do my thoughts
Your problems, priority, you two, majority
It doesnt matter if  speak my mind
Reality, you’ll never understand, you never did
You claim to be there for me
How do sweet words come out of your mouth
And your expressions and action remain so cold?
It’s all about what she says and what she wants and what she did 🙂
I mean, I should be happy for you that you have a new one
Congratulations my dear, I’m happy for you 🙂
You used to be able to detect the ‘I’m Fine’ lies
Now my words slip through your fingers like fine sand from the sea side
Whenever I’m with you two, I wish things could go back to the way they were
When I didnt have to bottle my feelings up
Or lie to get out of spending time with you
I thought I finally had a friend I could rely on
But boi was I wrong
I expressed my worries about moving
But you shut them down faster than paparazzi spreading rumours
At times I wonder if you can’t feel any changes
Maybe you’re used to being all about yourself and your problems
I knew this was too good to be true
If you read this, you’d probably laugh it off
I know…or you wouldn’t say anything
That’s more like you
You once told me we were friends because we didn’t know anyone else
I’m happy for you
I’m smiling with a broken smile
Happy with a sad smile
I miss the girl I met on February 27th
Because she’s definitely not the one standing in front of me now
Because this one is colder than Elsa the frozen queen
The one in front of me is superficial and unreal
Much like a character out of the popular movie
That I never watched but everyone liked
I guess the only best friend you can have is yourself
Whoever says friends cannot break your heart has clearly never had friends before
But I guess you’ll never know
Cause you’re just as good as pretending as I am
This fake smile, will just keep smiling
While sobbing on the inside
Welcome to my world, unreal reality 🙂
First time is a mistake
Second time is by chance
Third time is my stupidity
Good night, while I cry myself to sleep
Over a friend I never had
It’s time to cry…brb

– From Her Broken Midnight Smile

Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

I went to a club some days ago and I heard this song that got me pumping and feeling really good. I later found out that it was Shape of you By Ed Sheeran. It’s from his album
➗” ( DIVIDE).  I was really shocked because I’m wasn’t a fan of his music at all but Shape of You made me want to listen to more songs from him. And I also listened to his other songs and I can finally see why people love him and his music so much. It’s so heartfelt and emotional and true. I really didn’t get the whole hype about Ed Sheeran, but listening to Shape of You showed me what the hype was all about. And his songs are totally worth the hype. I’ll be listening to the whole album this weekend. That’s my idea of fun 🙂

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I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I

Talking To The Moon

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I know. you’re somewhere far away
The night when the blue star lights me up in the room
Lean on the window
Wait for the clouds to wobble in the wind
When the full moon gets a eclipse in my submerged pupil
Stay up all night with my eyes open

Talking to the moon
Maybe you’ll see the moon and talk to me
I expect like a fool
Try to call you but can not reach
My baby please, oh please, my baby

Someday when you listen to my voice in your dreams
Open your lips.
Don’t hesitate to answer. u miss me too
Wait for the clouds to wobble in the wind
Heart filled of longing
When the full moon gets a eclipse in my submerged pupil

Talking to the moon
Maybe you’ll see the moon and talk to me…

Listen to Talking To The Moon By KREAM. It’s a beautiful song.

Flowers

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I met a girl with flowers in her hair
not a crown or a clip, but cherry blossoms
they bloomed from her ears and her scalp and the hollow of her neck
she was a garden of eden

I met a girl with flowers in her hair
and roots that ran all the way down through her feet
they never held her in place
instead, they made the earth upon which she stood her home

I met a girl with flowers in her hair
who let summer sunbeams catch her eyes
as they glistened among ferny tendrils
until the autumn came

(written by Nothing Much from hellopoetry)

For Breaking My Heart

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My heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, gruelling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. It is a shard in my guts that never leaves, though perhaps in time the edges will dull. It feels like death just the same as bereavement and in quiet moments it chokes the breath from my body and short circuits my mind. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace is emptiness, echoes of a love I put my everything into. With each passing day you take another step away though I asked you to show some sign of caring, affection, of love. All you bring is anger, suspicion and an averted gaze. My only “crime” was to not be able to cope with your rage, with the words you allowed to spill unchecked. I have always done my best for you and, even now, still am. Inadequate as you find me, this is my best, it is all that is left of a once a proud and strong soul – fragments on the floor, scared that the next wind will blow them away.

Since your love turned to poison, my mind cycles through emotions faster than a kid flipping radio channels. I’ve gone from level to rocky – fighting a mixture of competing emotions, each of them vying for dominance. After the reboot of sleep I am calm, the day stretching ahead with possibilities – time to get jobs done, connect with friends, enjoy nature. Yet this coping is a thin veil over trauma and even the smallest of set backs change my emotional landscape. By evening the sadness wells up, uncertainty rushing to the fore, and I know it is time to sleep. How the crazy dreams stitch my head back together I haven’t a clue, it’s a new miracle every night.

Thank you for breaking me; isn’t that a line from Sinead O’Connor? I never understood it before. It used to sound like permission, albeit retroactive, to hurt someone. I get it now. Only a lover can wound so deep, cut to the very core. That level of trauma has to be an inside job. You broke me and watched me bleed. You saw me fail to eat, fail to sleep, and you kept on the pressure with your lies and manipulations, increasing the level of cruelty as you went. After all that, what can there be left underneath but the untouchable part of me, my soul, the girl you can never hurt. I can’t be more raw than that, more exposed, more pure. So thank you, because as Sinead said, “now I have a strong, strong heart, thank you, thank you for breaking my heart.”

(daisy)