Hey guys! I’m back!
I know, it’s been a while, and I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as much as I promised this year. I guess I have something to write on my New Year’s Resolution XD
Firsts of, Happy New Month!!! Christmas is almost here, and I am as excited as can be. It’s my first Christmas in Germany after more than 10 years(I think), no kidding.
One of the updates in my life is that I now have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for about 7 months now, and God knows I love him with all my heart.
Another thing is that we’re an interracial couple. He’s German (White) and I’m Nigerian (Black). Our relationship hasn’t been easy. I mean with so many cultural differences and our own differences, we’re trying our best. ❤
So, here I’m going to be touching up on the struggles faced by interracial couples (with the help of Cosmopolitan, hellobeautiful, datingtips, huffingtonpost ).
(picture credit to owner, NOT ME)
1. Other interracial couples.
This is probably one of the most surprising revelations, but interacting with other interracial couples can sometimes be a negative experience. Often, other couples project their realities (and insecurities) onto you. It’s not necessarily that you expect other people in interracial relationships to share some kind of special camaraderie with you, although that may be the case. It’s just that you naturally assume that they will understand why you don’t want your relationship to be viewed through the lens of some pretty interesting (and sometimes completely absurd) assumptions.
Much like dealing with any other couple, you’ll find yourself simply having to keep your own relationship struggles to yourself. Just because your friends or other couples can’t get past their issues, don’t let it leak into your own partnership.
2. People who will fetishize your interracial relationship.
As a Black woman, you may have already been dealing with distinguishing between people who are into you as a fetish, and people who are into you, period. But as your relationship goes on, you’ll often come across people who are creepily fascinated by it. To the point where they want a step-by-step guide on how to be in such a relationship of their own.
It shouldn’t be so hard to believe , but a lot of people in interracial relationships didn’t necessarily make being in one, a goal. Mostly, you meet people, you enjoy their company, you go from there. Either way, it’s sometimes laughable (and sometimes a bore) if you’re in an interracial relationship to come across people who fetishize it like some sort of exotic experience.
3. Cultural Differences
One of the main challenges facing many interracial couples is their culture. Each one may be brought up differently based on each other’s cultural background. Sometimes, these differences can be polar opposites to what each other believes in. It can create that tension between couples if they are not able to handle it effectively. For new couples, discovering and learning about the cultural practices of each partner can also be quite a challenge as well. These challenges can usually be addressed effectively if couples learn to work together out of mutual respect for each other’s differences.
4. It’s Not Just About Sex
Many questions some people in interracial relationships receive hinge on sex. Are black girls freakier than white girls? Are Asian girls more submissive? Who has the bigger penis, black men or Latino men? These kinds of questions only perpetuate racial stereotypes (regardless of whether they’re “positive” or not) and turn the idea of interracial dating into a kind of experiment or phase. While sex can be an important component of many people’s relationships, it shouldn’t be viewed as the primary motivation for any committed relationship, interracial or otherwise.
5. Being In An Interracial Relationship Doesn’t Mean You’ve Solved Racism
Amongst some members of the “team swirl” community, there are those who think that the beauty of these interracial couplings signifies a better world. Well, while dating outside of your race might demonstrate that you are open-minded, at the end of the day, interracial relationships won’t necessarily “solve” racism. The growth of interracial relationships in the last 20 years certainly demonstrates that we’ve progressed towards accepting these kinds of relationships and racial equality overall, but we have a long way to go. In a perfect world, race would not be an issue, but it is, and it’s ok for interracial partners to acknowledge that. In fact, it’s encouraged.
6. No, People Of Colour Who Date White People Don’t Hate Themselves
The idea that a person of colour who dates a white person is harbouring some kind of self-hatred is a far too simplistic one. Of course, there are instances where issues of self-acceptance may be at play, but this is not a hard and fast rule. No, black men and women who date or marry white partners (especially after being with black people in the past) are not necessarily doing so for status or validation. There are a lot of reasons why people are attracted to other people. If a black person dates someone outside of their race, their “blackness” — and how they feel about it — should not automatically be called into question.
6. Calm Down — It’s Not That Big A Deal
At the end of the day, interracial dating doesn’t always have to be a big deal. Which is to say, questions like “What will your parents think?” or “What about raising your kids in two different cultures?” might be a factor for some couples, but not all. Projecting expectations about what individual couples experience rather than allowing them to show and tell does nothing to move the conversation forward. An interracial relationship is, first and foremost, a relationship, not some big political statement. These couples are revolutionary by simply just being. Let interracial couples decide what being in an interracial relationship means to them.
7. There’s Always Something New To Learn
The beauty in interracial relationships, and all relationships in general, is the opportunity to learn and grow from someone who might come from a different background and a different perspective for you. The colourblind approach of not seeing a partner’s race and understanding how that affects the way they navigate in a relationship isn’t the right way to go about it. Instead, being willing to speak frankly about race is key — it’s an opportunity for couples to become even more honest, more open, and most of all more aware.
I hope you’ve learnt a bit about interracial couples. It’s not always easy, there are times where things get tough and you wonder if it’s really worth it. But let me tell you one thing, listen to your heart. I love my boyfriend and I know that our future isn’t going to be all flowers and ish, but hey, life is a rollercoaster. Things go up, spin around, but at the end, it’s worth it.
I love you guys! Happy Merry December.
And hey, I’d love to hear about your relationships. How do you deal with conflict between you and your lover? Leave your thoughts in the comment down below.
Stay warm, stay safe and till my next post.
(LIVE, LIFE, LOVE)